There are a lot of amazing things about being married-knowing that you have chosen a partner for life, having a constant companion, and getting a forever teammate. It’s also undeniable that even the most incredible marriage is not free of challenges.
People make mistakes, that’s normal. However, some faults or mistakes can put your relationship in danger if you keep repeating it, especially as a married couple.
Acknowledging these mistakes and taking steps to correct them can repair and strengthen relationships.
Let us examine the most common avoidable mistakes married couples make as well as how to avoid them.
NOT MAINTAINING INTIMACY
This mistake is usually made unconsciously, especially by married couples who have been married for quite some time or get busier each day with work or kids. When there are too many distractions around you, it’s easy to feel like being intimate is no longer a priority. As a result, the couple become distant, disconnected, and slowly drift apart from each other.
No matter how busy or stressed you are with daily life, or how long you’ve been married, it is important to maintain the intimacy between you and your spouse to keep the closeness and romance alive!
IGNORING ISSUES
It is understandable that you might not want to rock the boat by bringing up an issue when things are going okay. Or you might dodge a difficult conversation because you don’t want to risk making things worse.
On the other hand, denying problems won’t make them go away. In fact, unaddressed issues are likely to get worse over time.
Of course, timing is everything when you want to discuss issues, but don’t use this as an excuse to avoid talking about it. There’s never a perfect time to hold a difficult conversation, and while you may argue or disagree, it’s better to address problems head-on so you can begin to fix them.
HEARING BUT NOT LISTENING
Poor listening comes in several forms. One partner may be distracted by their smart phones while the other partner is trying to have a serious conversation with them. Some even have counter-arguments ready without trying to understand their partner’s point of view. No matter what form it takes, not listening is a major marital problem.
You can prevent and solve this problem by listening to what your partner is saying. Keep in mind that listening doesn’t mean “staying quiet”. Active listening involves trying to understand what the other person is communicating. Make eye contact, ask questions, and reflect on what you think your partner is trying to say, before diving in to share your opinion.
NOT SETTING BOUNDARIES
It is surely nice to have a solid and strong support system to help you and your spouse when you are facing a certain problem, but you have to set boundaries regarding how much you share. It is also important to set boundaries when it comes to how far they can interfere with your relationship.
Before you include unnecessary parties into your relationship, remember that you and your spouse need to set boundaries regarding external involvement. For example, not telling other people about the internal conflicts in your marriage. What is important is how the two of you need to rely on each other to survive this long-term journey called marriage.
FIGHTING TO WIN
All couples fight, but some do it to find resolutions, and some simply want to vent out the anger and frustrations toward each other. Some do it even worse; they argue to prove that they are always right and keep scores between each other-who was right in the last argument, who’s the loser and who wins this time.
When you’re married, never forget that you’re on the same team with your spouse. Therefore, his loss is yours as well, and vice versa. See all the fighting and arguing as a chance to compromise and clear up any dispute between the two of you.
If you find yourself making some of these common avoidable mistakes, take action to fix the situation. And if you find yourself struggling to put an end to your unhealthy habits on your own, seek professional help. A couples counselor can help sharpen your skills and change your negative patterns so you can enjoy the best relationship possible.
Would you be open to seek help from a marriage counselor?
