Have you ever thought about the impact of friendships on your marriage? Have you ever sat down to evaluate the impact that your current friends have on you?
We all have people we call friends in our lives. What separates them from the other, or what makes them different are the category or place each one occupies in our lives.
Some are more like family members while others are just mere acquaintances. Regardless of the hierarchy or category each friend holds, each friend you have in your life must bring something to the table, they influence you in one way or the other and contribute either in a negative or positive way to your relationship.
However, some of these people are like friends in disguise: they are toxic and their presence can represent negativity and distractions in your marriage.
The honest truth is that, your marriage should be your number one priority. Keeping and maintaining the right set of friends should be your goal too, so it is important to let go of friendships that prevent you from nurturing your marriage.
It is also important to ask yourself, are your friends showing support to your marriage? Do they offer you positive solutions when you are going through hard times? Do they share your values on spirituality and offer to pray for and with you? Or are they friends that will hurt your life and marriage by offering you negative advice?
A friend can really make a difference if they represent positivity.
Friends that have the following traits can influence your marriage in a negative way:
1. FRIENDS WHO TALK BADLY ABOUT HIS/HER SPOUSE— During trying times or vulnerable moments in marriage, we may find ourselves complaining about our spouse to one of our friends. This may happen a few times or even slip out of conversations once, but when it becomes a norm or the person constantly making a habit out of complaining, reporting or bringing down their spouse, then this habit can become toxic to the friendship and your own marriage.
2. FRIENDS WHO TALK BADLY ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE—When you get married to your partner, understand that you are both one unified body, so when your partner gets ‘bashed’ or gets called names, it is like doing the same to you.
When you have friends who constantly call your spouse derogatory names or complains about them, it creates an unhealthy codependent friendship that will harm your marriage.
3. FRIENDS WHO HATE THE IDEA OF MARRIAGE—There is absolutely nothing wrong with having singles as friends or friends who have gone through divorce when you are married. But when they have a negative attitude towards marriage or are against the ideology because of their own experiences, you need to be firm, stand your ground regarding your own beliefs and ideology and let them know you don’t support their beliefs. If they remain toxic, you can avoid them or cut off all ties with them as they can wreck havoc in your marriage.
- Friends that have the following traits can influence your marriage in a positive way:
- Friends who remind you of what is good and honorable about you partner.
- Friends who encourage you to show respect toward your spouse and reflect God’s love in your marriage.
- Friends who are good and trustworthy listeners.
- Friends who pray for you, with you and their words are reflective of God’s truth.
When you surround yourself with authentic friends who are committed to godliness in marital life, it inspires you to be a better partner.
If you were to do an inventory of your friends now especially in this season of pandemic where everyone is indoors and anxious, who are the people that you can call a support system? Who are those that have a great influence in your life? Can you sit down to count up to 10 that are like cheerleaders for your marriage? A good way to categorize your friends in your inner circle will be to put them in a box using the following word:
- Cheerleaders or Encouragers: These are people who support your marriage and are always there to celebrate your achievements and growth.
- Toxic or parasitic friends: These are people who always speak badly about you or your marriage, career or growth. They only come to take from you but never give in return. They always gossip or frown about your growth.
- Distant friends: These are friends who only remember you on specific days like Christmas or Easter day. They are connected to you and don’t really invest in your growth.
- Advisors: These are people who are emotionally mature and can also resolve issues when things go wrong in your marriage. They serve as elders who know better and can be neutral and peaceful about your growth.
- Growth catalyst: These are people who push you to grow in every area; they always send you resources, books, programs or anything that can make you grow in your life in general. You can share ideas with them and see it blossom.
Now, can you list out the names of your friends and place them in any of these categories? Do you truly have good friends? During this pandemic season, can you clearly find friends who you can positively contribute to each other now?
